Summer??
Well that was my summer so far ....
Im shocked, im shocked in a very bad way with everything and i'm honestly very tired, this insanity started back in 2020 and as the years pass I notice everything more unbearable, people are becoming unberable for me.
I cannot play the pretend game fo much more longer I instantly see the bullshit happening in front of me and i call it out and i get in troubles.
Its a stage a macabre stage I don't want to participate in this play... but i'm here and I must continue watching and undertanding (understanding what???)
Of the few things that still bring me joy, well tinkering with the computer is fun, and also watching anime becoming now my de facto way to escape or at least 'disconnect' as i can't really disconnect with the computer as much anymore and this is something the AI cant help with.
I need to resume my Piano lerning classes, and maybe begin to give it a try to the tracker music i wanted to make.
I need to also stop worrying for stuff out of my control, and my family and their bad decisions i cannot do anything so i need to step back and stop trying to fix stuff, i need to understand that im not here to fix things but to watch and learn.
Likewise with everything and everyone else even if they are heartless beings, i need to finish to come up in terms with solitude as i need to prepare myself for my future embracing it even more.
Theres a lot to learn still i'm a little bit overwhelmed but well I continue with the usual struggles.
And well that's about all i wanted to talk about at least to recover the blog a bit, the pictures are still messed up here and there but working on fixing them.
Im shocked, im shocked in a very bad way with everything and i'm honestly very tired, this insanity started back in 2020 and as the years pass I notice everything more unbearable, people are becoming unberable for me.
I cannot play the pretend game fo much more longer I instantly see the bullshit happening in front of me and i call it out and i get in troubles.
Its a stage a macabre stage I don't want to participate in this play... but i'm here and I must continue watching and undertanding (understanding what???)
Of the few things that still bring me joy, well tinkering with the computer is fun, and also watching anime becoming now my de facto way to escape or at least 'disconnect' as i can't really disconnect with the computer as much anymore and this is something the AI cant help with.
I need to resume my Piano lerning classes, and maybe begin to give it a try to the tracker music i wanted to make.
I need to also stop worrying for stuff out of my control, and my family and their bad decisions i cannot do anything so i need to step back and stop trying to fix stuff, i need to understand that im not here to fix things but to watch and learn.
Likewise with everything and everyone else even if they are heartless beings, i need to finish to come up in terms with solitude as i need to prepare myself for my future embracing it even more.
Theres a lot to learn still i'm a little bit overwhelmed but well I continue with the usual struggles.
And well that's about all i wanted to talk about at least to recover the blog a bit, the pictures are still messed up here and there but working on fixing them.
AI overlord
I decided with the stuff I learned in the course to make a small Homelab as I'm starting to see patterns that might jeopardize even more the only outlet I have left which is the internet and as I dont have SNS anymore I need to be as self sufficient as possible.
So i created a virtual host and embraced the future of virtualization for everything while at the same time dabbling with the AI
You guys know evry well i was anti-AI before but now my view has changed entirely after all this chain of horrible epxeriences on top of being ALONE when a technical issue happens, nobody wants to help anyone these days not even teaching to code a simple script.
So I decided to give it a try and OH BOY it helped me out not only to setup a stupid game server but helped me learn about firewalls (iptables of all things), databases MSSQL what is a trigger? a stored procedure??, continue improving my skils in perl and help me create bridge scripts, recreate and entire cypher for passwords written and left to rot in python until a working perl function...on top of also telling me to ask more questions.
Im using the openai oss-20b model which is open source and runs locally on your PC, i decided to take the risk and get more memory to run this thing it runs very slow to be honest like 2 or 3 words/tokens per second but is enough to help me power through anything, all this happened because I was left totally on my own.
So now I can see it as a tool that might allow me to actually if shits hits the fan and i cant find a job on software or systems anymore (thanks to it but also thanks to the assholes around) at least I have a tool that can help me do the heavy lifting with things and concepts i still cant grasp very well..
Is it sad? yes it is, i would have loved something different and more communication? absolutely... but seems like everyone wants to continue being an asshole and being atomized so well lets all become atoms then.
No joke, i was able to setup the project of the little Lineage II server i wanted and the thing did the job of roughly 6 people working on it just by throwing simple prompts here and there for different topics...
The world is becoming more lonely and inhuman so I'm afraid this is something we might look on and at least have some capacity to run locally it can really help... it certainly helped me a lot. And it actually teach me more stuff i didnt know as well....
So i created a virtual host and embraced the future of virtualization for everything while at the same time dabbling with the AI
You guys know evry well i was anti-AI before but now my view has changed entirely after all this chain of horrible epxeriences on top of being ALONE when a technical issue happens, nobody wants to help anyone these days not even teaching to code a simple script.
So I decided to give it a try and OH BOY it helped me out not only to setup a stupid game server but helped me learn about firewalls (iptables of all things), databases MSSQL what is a trigger? a stored procedure??, continue improving my skils in perl and help me create bridge scripts, recreate and entire cypher for passwords written and left to rot in python until a working perl function...on top of also telling me to ask more questions.
Im using the openai oss-20b model which is open source and runs locally on your PC, i decided to take the risk and get more memory to run this thing it runs very slow to be honest like 2 or 3 words/tokens per second but is enough to help me power through anything, all this happened because I was left totally on my own.
So now I can see it as a tool that might allow me to actually if shits hits the fan and i cant find a job on software or systems anymore (thanks to it but also thanks to the assholes around) at least I have a tool that can help me do the heavy lifting with things and concepts i still cant grasp very well..
Is it sad? yes it is, i would have loved something different and more communication? absolutely... but seems like everyone wants to continue being an asshole and being atomized so well lets all become atoms then.
No joke, i was able to setup the project of the little Lineage II server i wanted and the thing did the job of roughly 6 people working on it just by throwing simple prompts here and there for different topics...
The world is becoming more lonely and inhuman so I'm afraid this is something we might look on and at least have some capacity to run locally it can really help... it certainly helped me a lot. And it actually teach me more stuff i didnt know as well....
Hells Kitchen
Speaking of more cooked stuff, that brings me to the Normies I've noticed during this months specially as I had to actually go out more after being locked in my home like a NEET since 2020 like I went out of a nuclear fallout shelter of sorts...
I was completely lost but I'm noticing the people around me being more heartless than before, like....what is the feeling of guilt?? and this is something i'm noticing everywhere now more than ever, if you ever need help these days.
You are up for a very bad time as people are throwing smoke bombs and trying to play nice until they all dissapear when things "seems like" might go wrong in any way....then you will be left out with the weight to fix on your own.
You are effetively alone, and at the same time you are surrounded by pricks that wants to see you fail and probably die, if anything maybe they are happy if you can kill yourself as well....
And I had some of those episodes happening to me, there have been days like a virus that you actually feel like killing yourself due how lonely the experience is and even if you make the effort to try to be nice then you find people just wanting for some reason to just see you fail and suffer..
But all this is also coated in a veil of fakeness and niceness that feels so fucking wrong it feels more staged than before but it all feels like you are walking on eggshells or they might pull out a knife and attack you right on the spot...
You see the weird sights, the weird eyes staring at you, and you begin to wonder...
Why is he looking at me like that? Why is she looking at me like that? Why are they looking at me top to bottom like this weird feeling of getting checked up to the milimeter? Can't we all just focus on going to a cute restaurant and have a meal???
Makes you wonder
But then my brother came up to me and told me "haven't you noticed? people always has been like that since forever, or you forgot about it???"
With all these experiences ive beeen totally clueless maybe I am a NEET of sorts or like a Hikkikomori
But one thing is for certain it is, very , very disturbing for me what im seeing out there...
I was completely lost but I'm noticing the people around me being more heartless than before, like....what is the feeling of guilt?? and this is something i'm noticing everywhere now more than ever, if you ever need help these days.
You are up for a very bad time as people are throwing smoke bombs and trying to play nice until they all dissapear when things "seems like" might go wrong in any way....then you will be left out with the weight to fix on your own.
You are effetively alone, and at the same time you are surrounded by pricks that wants to see you fail and probably die, if anything maybe they are happy if you can kill yourself as well....
And I had some of those episodes happening to me, there have been days like a virus that you actually feel like killing yourself due how lonely the experience is and even if you make the effort to try to be nice then you find people just wanting for some reason to just see you fail and suffer..
But all this is also coated in a veil of fakeness and niceness that feels so fucking wrong it feels more staged than before but it all feels like you are walking on eggshells or they might pull out a knife and attack you right on the spot...
You see the weird sights, the weird eyes staring at you, and you begin to wonder...
Why is he looking at me like that? Why is she looking at me like that? Why are they looking at me top to bottom like this weird feeling of getting checked up to the milimeter? Can't we all just focus on going to a cute restaurant and have a meal???
Makes you wonder
But then my brother came up to me and told me "haven't you noticed? people always has been like that since forever, or you forgot about it???"
With all these experiences ive beeen totally clueless maybe I am a NEET of sorts or like a Hikkikomori
But one thing is for certain it is, very , very disturbing for me what im seeing out there...
More cooked than you might think...
I was attending classes as I wrote in the last post to certify myself as a proper sysadmin and get some certifications from RedHat well, turns out to be that in my classroom there was this guy that was trying to get too close to me to the point he went the extra mile to help me get back at home after classes and whatnot..
of course the signal was written on the wall starting the fact that is a fucking old man that could pretty much be my own father at this point, the guy was quietly trying to play nice with me until one day i guess his dick or something began to fail him as he began to pretty much undress me with his eyes in the middle of the class it was a horrible moment they stare at you like you are some sort of toy, I was already noticing some red flags here and there like being extremelly pushy for 'driving me back home' and stuff like that, for a couple of weeks but this time was just too obvious.
I was extremelly uncomfrotable and i actually began to get very scared too
The situation was so fucking surreal to me that even my teacher started to freak out as it was blatlanly obvious he was doing it in the middle of the class, and then i decided to directly report the whole thing and to cut ties with him literaly from talking the previous day and acting like normal to total silence treatment the next one.
I pretty much deleted him from my sight, avoiding eye contact entirely like this person stopped existing entirely from my current dimension.
I became a robot and the guy began to even CRY!???? like i was torturing him!!?! for not even taking in consideration his presence!?!?
Then he decided as the faggot he actually is to play the victim card an began to make the rest of the class room 'mates' feel shame of him and they all decided to obstracize me instead. Everyone began to give me a cold shoulder like I was the bad one of the tale.....
The center got in touch with me and told me to stay on guard if anything the police can come and take him away at any time.
Oh dear cat your eternal passive skill of gettin in troubles at the school!!~~~
So the last months of the course i finish them all without saying a word to anyone during the whole day, but for some bizarre reason they still came towards me to talk to me about the results of the exams and do some weird dick measurement with me like "oh YOU FAILED IM SO GLAD YOU FAILED!! AHAHAHAHAH" in my face.....
Old men are weird and pathetic
Moreover I ended up finishing the course and got a chance to attend the 2nd round of course starting next month where I hope i dont have to see those people again but if i do i guess the next 3 months im doing the total silent treatment twice.
I tried to play nice this time as I always had troubles in the school setting one way or another and at first it worked it worked so well it attracted a fucking deviant to me for being too 'kind and understanding' congratulations cat
And then I find this....but then you see everyone complaining because men and women arent talking to eachother anymore!?!?
no shit sherlock i wonder why????
of course the signal was written on the wall starting the fact that is a fucking old man that could pretty much be my own father at this point, the guy was quietly trying to play nice with me until one day i guess his dick or something began to fail him as he began to pretty much undress me with his eyes in the middle of the class it was a horrible moment they stare at you like you are some sort of toy, I was already noticing some red flags here and there like being extremelly pushy for 'driving me back home' and stuff like that, for a couple of weeks but this time was just too obvious.
I was extremelly uncomfrotable and i actually began to get very scared too
The situation was so fucking surreal to me that even my teacher started to freak out as it was blatlanly obvious he was doing it in the middle of the class, and then i decided to directly report the whole thing and to cut ties with him literaly from talking the previous day and acting like normal to total silence treatment the next one.
I pretty much deleted him from my sight, avoiding eye contact entirely like this person stopped existing entirely from my current dimension.
I became a robot and the guy began to even CRY!???? like i was torturing him!!?! for not even taking in consideration his presence!?!?
Then he decided as the faggot he actually is to play the victim card an began to make the rest of the class room 'mates' feel shame of him and they all decided to obstracize me instead. Everyone began to give me a cold shoulder like I was the bad one of the tale.....
The center got in touch with me and told me to stay on guard if anything the police can come and take him away at any time.
Oh dear cat your eternal passive skill of gettin in troubles at the school!!~~~
So the last months of the course i finish them all without saying a word to anyone during the whole day, but for some bizarre reason they still came towards me to talk to me about the results of the exams and do some weird dick measurement with me like "oh YOU FAILED IM SO GLAD YOU FAILED!! AHAHAHAHAH" in my face.....
Old men are weird and pathetic
Moreover I ended up finishing the course and got a chance to attend the 2nd round of course starting next month where I hope i dont have to see those people again but if i do i guess the next 3 months im doing the total silent treatment twice.
I tried to play nice this time as I always had troubles in the school setting one way or another and at first it worked it worked so well it attracted a fucking deviant to me for being too 'kind and understanding' congratulations cat
And then I find this....but then you see everyone complaining because men and women arent talking to eachother anymore!?!?
no shit sherlock i wonder why????
Silence...
Ever since I stopped writting in the blog, and frankly looking back at the stuff I began writing about since the beginning of the year I noticed that i was falling for a chain of very crazy psyops attempting to in a way make me more angry at everything on purpose.
What purpose? I think I know but its all part of a very big macabre game of polarizing people even more than they already are, so as a result of this I ended up being weary of everyone regardless of which side of the 'spectrum' they are in any topic.
So I made up the decision earlier this year to delete all my social network accounts while only keeping my throway discord that i remake/delete every so often.
What I've noticed as soon everything was deleted including the X app on my phone? complete silence... an incredible silence where you feel like totally disconnected from the world around you, there's no crazyness, screaming, outrages, and such.
It is cathartic and liberating at the same time but doing it in this day and age might feel for some like too much you are literally blind of anything that is happening in the world too is like the News have stopped coming entirely.
Of course im doing this because I had already learned a small framework that keeps me so so sane in maintaining shape regarding what the world might be or where we might be heading to....
You can't disconnect 100% because there are people around you but to be honest I noticed those people EVEN more lobotomized than before like they are the truly NPC archetype. which leads us to the next topic.... in the next post
What purpose? I think I know but its all part of a very big macabre game of polarizing people even more than they already are, so as a result of this I ended up being weary of everyone regardless of which side of the 'spectrum' they are in any topic.
So I made up the decision earlier this year to delete all my social network accounts while only keeping my throway discord that i remake/delete every so often.
What I've noticed as soon everything was deleted including the X app on my phone? complete silence... an incredible silence where you feel like totally disconnected from the world around you, there's no crazyness, screaming, outrages, and such.
It is cathartic and liberating at the same time but doing it in this day and age might feel for some like too much you are literally blind of anything that is happening in the world too is like the News have stopped coming entirely.
Of course im doing this because I had already learned a small framework that keeps me so so sane in maintaining shape regarding what the world might be or where we might be heading to....
You can't disconnect 100% because there are people around you but to be honest I noticed those people EVEN more lobotomized than before like they are the truly NPC archetype. which leads us to the next topic.... in the next post
